001 - Birth
“Steve, my water broke” I whispered loudly to your dad, still waking up. I got up and waddled over to the bathroom, leaving a trail of fluid behind me. It was around midnight, we hadn’t been in bed for very long. “Are you sure?” he said. I was sure. It was a lot of liquid. Eventually I just got in the shower to avoid puddles everywhere. After days of painful pre-labor, I was excited to have a sign of progress. I smiled as I started to tear up. It was the moment I had anticipated for so long. One week past my delivery date, I had an induction scheduled for late that day but I really hoped for a natural start; specifically a water break. And even though it wasn't a dramatic public affair, I won’t soon forget the feeling that started your birth. Dad woke up Auntie Rai, who had been staying with us for a few weeks while we eagerly awaited your arrival. We got the birth bags packed up and she drove us to the hospital. I was in good spirits, not in too much pain, yet.
Not long after getting wheeled up to a laboring room, my contractions started. It took a long time for my body to prepare for the birth, almost a full day. But soon enough, it was time to start the final stage of labor. Our doula, Prudence, and Dad, as well as a few nurses, helped guide me into different positions, using a variety of tools to help my body twist and turn. After several checks throughout over three hours of pushing, the obstetrician Dr. Heller explained that your position in my belly was not allowing you to make further progress. She was worried about our safety, we were both starting to swell. She recommended moving forward with a cesarean section.
Although I knew this procedure was a possibility, it still came as quite a shock. The entire pregnancy had been so typical, even the nurses had mentioned how positively everything had progressed. The thought of surgery was overwhelming; I had never really spent any significant time in a hospital before. But I trusted that it was the safest way to get you into the world and let that be my mantra to calm my nerves and ease my anxiety.
“I’m really scared, Steve”, I said to your dad as I was pushed towards the operating room. He had to stay out of the space until everything was prepared; that was the worst part. It was loud and extremely chaotic in there. The lights were bright and abrasive. There must have been ten people around me getting ready to cut me open and scoop you out. I calmed down a bit when your dad came back. He held my hand and spoke calmly to me as the medical team did their work. As you entered the world, I erupted into joyful tears hearing you cry as the doctor held you up for us to see you. Your dad said “Welcome!” and I just cried, completely speechless. Elated. You were finally here.
